11-15th March 2009

Well, I’m back (for my sins). I managed to miss yet another Indian festival, this time called “Holi”. You may recall the kite flying festival we had a while back? And how ridiculous it was to have a national holiday just so you could fly a kite? Well this was along those lines trust me. “Holi” means the festival of colours (a somewhat flowery sounding title – pun intended), but it is nothing of the sort. What it actually means is yet another excuse for people to take a day off work and get drunk. People simply go crazy around this time evidently and cover each other in as many different dyes as they can lay their hands on, egged on by a special “holi” punch drink laced with Marijuana apparently! Evidence of this stupidity was all around, as I was being driven from the airport to the villa, in the form of large numbers of purple people staggering around the streets at 10am on the morning. Either it was a serious case of the morning after the night before……. or the remnants of an Oompah-Loompah’s stag party!!

Everything is image in India as well. People give themselves grand titles even though they carry no real importance. Even tuk-tuks are fitted with numerous aerials, giving the impression that they could (at any moment) transform into a two-stroke, 125cc version of the Batmobile at any moment. Still, to them it looks good I guess. Sometimes they do remind me of home though, like the way that the younger tuk-tuk drivers put huge sub-woofers in the back of their vehicles and neon lights underneath. A sign maybe that they are reaching out to their knuckle-dragging brethren that are often seen frequenting Southend seafront?
Quite often, at most road junctions, you will see an official controlling the traffic (well, I say controlling). Always a man, never a woman (signs of this being a very masogonistic society are everywhere). Clad in sharply-pressed beige trousers, crisp white shirt that would not look out of place in a Daz commercial, and a hard hat (why?) , he places himself in the middle of the road to ensure maximum opportunities for him to be run over. Then he proceeds to do absolutely nothing. Traffic still comes from all directions, people still swerve everywhere, and pedestrians still cross the road whenever they feel like it, half-heartedly raising their arm and outstretching their palm as if they were King Canute holding back the tide!! Bizarrely enough, it works though, and no one gets irate with this system of understood chaos. Perhaps our society is too well-ordered and people have forgotten how to think for themselves? All joking aside though, the upshot of Daz man stood in the middle of the road is generally to bring about more chaos than if he were not there………. it must be, because if you drive past one of these junctions at any time when there is no-one attempting to control the traffic and it seems to work much better!
Yet another example of the irony of the country I find myself in is the example of next doors dog, a young Golden Labrador. He is a friendly, happy soul as these type of dogs generally are but he barks almost incessantly, why? Well they chain him to the gate at the front of the house 24 hours a day. He has nothing but the length of the average dog lead in which to exercise and for any dog that is not enough, let alone one with the boundless energy of a Lab. We have asked about buying the dog but they are having none of it. When we ask why they do this to him they simply reply, “because he is naughty”. How is he expected to learn what is right or wrong if they never take the time to teach him? The one time I did see someone trying to teach him basic behavioural patterns he was rewarded with a stick being whacked hard across his nose if he did not comply first time……..no way to teach a dog is it? Yet, and this is the irony, having seen many dogs walking the streets searching for food, some with puppies, this dog is one of the “luckier” ones.
Power cuts (yes them again), are becoming more frequent it seems, and planned. They will often occur during the day, around 10am, and the supply will be off for around 4-6 hours. This is because there is simply not enough generating capacity to cover the existing requirements for the city. So what is the solution to this problem you ask? Well, if you are Indian, the solution is to build many more office blocks and houses. Yup, constructions are everywhere and not one of them is a power station! Do these people not think of the supporting infrastructure needed for these places? To be honest, I am seriously considering taking a cart and a horse to the offices of the Greater Hyderabad Municipal Council and asking them to assemble them in the correct order…..how do you think they will get on? What is quite amusing is how, when we have these power cuts at night, the guards that patrol our complex will blow their whistles in turn to signal to each other “all is well”. These guys are tremendously regimented in their approach like that, they salute you each time you go in and out and they conduct drills every night at the gate. Despite all this, I still cant help but think, each time the lights go out and the whistles start, they are in fact conducting an improptu rave because they think no one can see them!!
Oh well, must dash.
TTFN, one and all
Neil